I just can't let this go unpublished...

public class $_ {
    public static <$_> $_ $_($_ a) {
        return a;
    }
    public static <$_> void $_($_ ... $__) {
        for ($_ $_ : $__) {
            // \u000a\u0053\u0079\u0073tem\u002eo\u0075t\u002epr\u0069n\u0074\uu006c\u006e($_($_));
        }
    }

    public static void \u006d\u0061\u0069\u006e(\u0053t\u0072i\u006e\u0067 ... $_) {
        $_($_);
    }
}

Or, even better:

public class $_ {
    public static <$_> $_ $_($_ a) {
        return \u0061\u003b\u002f\u002f$!"#$&/($##§!"a;
    }
    public static <$_> void $_($_ ... $__) {
        for ($_ $_ : $__) {
            // \u000a\u0053\u0079\u0073tem\u002eo\u0075t\u002epr\u0069n\u0074($_($_));
        }
    }

    public static void \u006d\u0061\u0069\u006e(\u0053t\u0072i\u006e\u0067 ... $_) {
        /*
         * \u002a\u002fif($_\u002ele\u006egth\u003d=0)$_=\u006ee\u0077 \u0053t\u0072i\u006e\u0067[]{\u002f\u002a\u002a\u002f"Obfuscated!"};\u002f\u002a
         */
        
        for (\u0053t\u0072i\u006e\u0067 _$ : $_) {
            $_(_$\u002es\u0070\u006ci\u0074(\u0022"));
            $_(\u0022\n"\u002c "")\u003b;
        }
    }
}